ArenaNet officially opened the flood gates on Tyria late, late Friday night into Saturday morning, guaranteeing that those who have longed so much to play the game that they bought it in advance didn’t get to watch their Saturday morning cartoons.

Now, the rest of you people in the world – those who plan to buy the game but haven’t done so because you’re waiting for it to officially come out tomorrow, August 28 – are on your own little precipice. It is one that will usher you into Tyria without the brief interruptions of service experienced in Guild Wars 2′s first minutes. Being said, while we were able to use that time to, say, call our parents and tell them that we love them, you will not be afforded that luxury.

What you do today is critically important, as it’s likely the last time you’ll be bored or have nothing to do for the rest of your life. Use the time wisely by doing what we tell you to do.

  1. Go outside and generate some vitamin D by laying down in your yard. The fact that you didn’t prepurchase the game means that you’re not one of us, the kind of people that are so turned off by sunlight that you start to burn and hiss when exposed to it. It may also not be a bad idea to walk to your local general store or big-box super store like Wal-Mart and grab a few bottles of vitamin supplements to make up for what you will begin to lack once the game comes out.
  2. Visit your grandmother. Come on, man. All she wants to do is play some cribbage and cook you spaghetti. You won’t be visiting her for a while, so get some time with your grandmother – or cousins, parents, etc. – in before it’s too late. NOTE – People who have done the release of this game correctly won’t have to worry about this item, as you will have introduced all of your family members to video gaming and Guild Wars 2, and they’ll actually be joining you at GameStop or BestBuy or SuperPlace or whatever to pick up your copy of the game tomorrow.
  3. Take out the trash. There isn’t much needed as far as an explanation is concerned on this point. Just remember, you only live once. Live a little! Take out the trash.
  4. Start, and finish, Christmas shopping. There’s no need to do it during the holiday season! Just get it out of the way now. Buy 20 copies of Guild Wars 2 for everybody you know. That’s right. For each person, buy 20 copies. Then they can give copies to their friends. You’ll be like Santa, except maybe the best Santa ever. And ArenaNet will love your unexpected purchase of 280 copies of the game. They’ll show you their appreciation by giving you an amazing Celebration Hat.
  5. Write a Bucket List. Bucket lists have been all the rage lately, I think because people are starting to recognize their own mortality and want to come up with exciting lists of what to do before they expire in an unfortunate traveling circus incident. So, before you embark on your adventures in Tyria, you should generate a bucket list too! Make sure, though, that the only item on the list is “Play Guild Wars 2,” because then you can brag to your friends and family about having completed the list once the game comes out tomorrow.