Hey there, silly bookahs!  I am displeased to present another wonderfully mind-boggling rendition of Hey Bookah!  I give a half-hearted apology for missing last week’s deadline.  There were many experiments to be done and inventions to be invented, and it seems time slipped away from me.  Speaking of time, Peter Chan had a great question relative to the subject!

“What are your thoughts on an Asuran Time Gate?”

Peter Chan

Well, Peter, I’m very glad you asked.  The idea of an, “Asuran Time Gate,” as it would be put in layman’s terms, is enough to get any asura worth their weight in golems giddy and gleeful.  After sending that buffoon, Corporal Bane, catapulting through time I have been hard at work studying the capabilities of the flux matrix and constantly trying to recreate the Bane Incident in a controlled manner.  However, at this point I have been unsuccessful, and most of my lab assistants have suffered for the sake of invention and discovery.  When I do finally harness the potential of the flux matrix, I do plan on trying to retrieve a couple of my former lab assistants.  I also plan on disrupting history, stealing magic from, “the gods,” exploring all the corners and inner workings of the Eternal Alchemy, and finally, total domination over all of time.  Oh, but I’m ahead of myself.  One step at a time, or so they say.

“Dear Bamff,
Please tell me: What’s the beauty ideal of an asura? And think asuras that we, bookahs, are ugly?”

Quitten Baum 

Well, Quitten.  It seems to me you could find a certain handiness in my mini trypto-sound-mapping linguistic conversalinomiter.  Or, as people of your intellectual stature would call it, a translator; obviously it’s much more than that, but that’s beside the point.  Moving on!  Asura pride themselves in their wits, ears, their hair, and their teeth–in that order.  As the old asuran idiom goes, “if the ears are limp, then so is he,” or another classic, “you know what they say about big ears.”  To answer your second question, and to make this as lightly insulting as possible, yes.

“What is your view on the Sylvari?”

Blue Eveningstar

Now, Sylvari are very interesting and lively test subjects creatures to work with.  Always so many questions to answer, it’s quite brilliant actually.  A whole new race willing and eager to learn everything right and proper!  The sylvari are all like little cups, just waiting to be directed, and filled to the brim with proper knowledge.  I prefer a sylvari lab assistant to any others simply because they love asking questions and learning.  When I begin my reign as Emperor of Time, I hope to have a vassalage of time-traveling sylvari, whom I shall call, “Chrono-Lords.”  Hopefully I can harness the power of sylvari biotechnology and use it with my improved flux matrix technology to create a living time machine.

“What is your proudest achievement?”

Dara Potocska

My future reign as Emperor of Time, as stated earlier.  Coming as a close second, I once invented a biomurgical rapid reseurgenetical engine which I use in most of my biomagical research.  Basically, it rapidly speeds up the process of plant growth, as well as speeds up the rate of magenetical alteration.  I may, or may not, have stolen the blueprints and prototype from another asura.  I’m not one to let genius be wasted.  You sleep, you lose!

Thank you for reading the Hey Bookah column.  If you have further questions for next week, please send them to question@guildwarsinsider.com and follow @HeyBookah on twitter for a good chuckle or two.  Please leave a comment and let us know what you thought.  Thanks again!